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On February 4th, 1987, unknown to Donna and me and to her three daughters, Soon E stood in the midst of a the large crowd of people in the departure area at Kimpo Airport in Seoul, She watched silently as Melissa, Mimi, and Donna entered the immigration line and disappeared from view. She watched as I, holding Ashley in my arms, prepared to follow them. I looked up and somehow saw her in the crowd. It was like a knife in my heart. How could I do this to another human being? As I moved toward the immigration line I raised Ashley's right hand, pointed to her mother, and helped her wave goodbye.
Soon E's brother and sister-in-law came over to stand with her and wait for the plane to take off.
At 4:00, as Korean Air Flight 12 nonstop 747 service to Los Angeles rose into the darkening afternoon above Seoul, Soon E's heart beat rapidly. For a moment her mind and body were numb. This was the moment she had dreaded with all her heart. Friday night when Donna and I took Melissa and Mimi she had asked if she could have a few more days with Ashley. She had taken Ashley back to their room and lay with her all night on the mat on the floor.
Even on Friday when social services called and sternly instructed her to immediately turn Ashley over to Donna and me she knew she would be able to see them at least once more time. And, miracle of miracles, it had turned out to be three times.
Father Ben, knowing that Donna, the girls, and I were coming to the orphanage on Sunday, had invited Soon E to come. In the afternoon she was able to go with us and her daughters to a restaurant for a short meal with her daughters. A few hours ago she had kissed them goodbye at the hotel. But here at the airport she had one last chance to see them.
But now she know knew that with every passing moment they would be taken further and further away from her. In a few days, after their first visit to Disney Land in California, they would be settled 8000 impossible miles away. They were gone and Soon E's heart, hope, and joy were gone. Even though her older brother and his wife were standing beside her Soon E knew that she was non truly alone.
After the plane disappeared, they left the airport and went to a small restaurant for dinner.
The following days without the girls were hell. Soon E was by herself in her cheap, one-room apartment. At night she would check the two small windows and the door again and again to make sure they were locked. She would struggle to get to sleep and when she finally succeeded her dreams would reveal snakes coming into her room through the window. She would wake up terrified. She felt she was being punished for abandoning her daughters. Her mantra was "I am a criminal".
As the days past, her hope every waking moment was to receive some news about her daughters. Father Ben had told her that the adoptive parents would send her pictures. And she often consoled herself with the promise from Donna and I that we would bring the girls back to Korea for the 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics and that she and her daughters could spend some time together.
She found a map of North America and was able to locate the United States. But she had no idea of how to find Andover, Massachusetts where she had been told her daughters would be living. She would ask herself over and over in frustration, "Where is Andover?" She asked several people but no one knew.
Soon E would go to work during the day and come back to the empty apartment to face the nightly terror of being alone and tormented with frightening dreams.
The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months. When the Olympics started in the fall of 1988, her heart raced as she imagined getting a call saying that her daughters and their adoptive parents were here and wanted to see her. She got more excited every day as the Olympics progressed. Then one day she heard the closing ceremonies had been held. The Olympics were over and her hopes were dashed. Could it be that she would never see her daughters again?
A number of times she called Mrs. Soh at Father Ben's orphanage and begged her to try to get some pictures of the girls. Still, nothing came. It would be March 1989, more than two years after her daughters left, before she would finally get a call from Mrs. Soh that some pictures had arrived. Click here to see My Daughters are Far Away.
With her daughters gone, Soon E was terrified of living alone. One day her younger sister told her about a man in the area who had been divorced a couple of times and suggested that they meet.
Mr. Lee drove a taxi in Seoul. He had a small house and lived there with his two teen-age children and his mother. He missed having a companion. Though he was not terribly romantic, he did seem quite nice.
Within a couple of weeks, he brought Soon E home to meet his mother and children. Soon E liked them immediately. In the days to come she had visions of getting married, taking care of Mr. Lee's mother and children, and hopefully having a child herself. She was only 36 years old and she didn't want to face old age with no children. In Korea there is little or no government help for old people; one's children are expected to assume that responsibility.
Shortly, Soon E and Mr. Lee agreed to be married. Unlike many Korean men, he said that he would have married her even if her children were still with her. Soon E was grateful for finding a man like this.
Soon E wasn't concerned about the lack of romance in the relationship. She had already been badly burned by the romantic. Hakkun had pursued her and gotten her pregnant a year before they were finally married. And though he constantly professed his love and adoration his actions only caused her pain. After the birth of their first two daughters, he gradually began to descend into alcoholism leaving her to try to provide for the family. He constantly apologized and then backslid as he pursued the dream of taking his family to America; the home of his unknown American soldier father.
For Soon E, the marriage to Mr. Lee was more a practical matter than an affair of the heart. With him she had someone to put food on the table and provide some companionship. And Soon E was happy to reciprocate by helping to care for his mother and children, This gave her an outlet for the love she could no longer shower on her daughters. Soon after they were married Soon E began talking seriously with him about having a child.
Soon E spent most of her time cooking and cleaning for the family. Sometimes Mr. Lee would drink too much and she'd have to clean up the vomit that often resulted. She didn't mind. Wasn't that what a good wife should do?
She was a bit disappointed at his lack of affection and attention. Every day she would try to get him to kiss her before leaving for work. And every day he would refuse out of embarrassment. And it soon became clear that having another child was not in his plans for the future.
Chang came to Korea in the fall of 1990 with a small package for Soon E containing drawings and letters from the girls and me. Chang pictured himself as a matchmaker; hoping to ease my loneliness by bringing Soon E and I together. We were both under the impression that Soon E had not married again.
When Chang called Soon E a few days after he arrived in Seoul, a male answered the phone. Chang asked to speak to Soon E. A male voice immediately aroused his suspicions. He asked Soon E who had answered. Soon E, who at that time had no idea who Chang was, said that the person who answered was her nephew.
On a stormy September day as the annual monsoon rains were flooding the streets of Korea, Chang made his way to Soon E's house. He quickly learned that Soon E was married. But he was determined to pursue his plan to invite her to the U.S. so she could see her daughters. He said that that she could stay with him and Myong. Though he didn't mention it to Soon E, Chang felt that perhaps when she came to America, she might decide to stay. As a close friend of mine, he wanted me to be happy and felt that Soon E might be the person who could make that happen. And, at the same time, she could again be with her daughters. This was very important to Chang since he had been tragically separated from his parents at the age of five.
Soon E talked with Mr. Lee about Chang's offer to have her come to the U.S. for a few weeks and see her daughters. At that point Soon E believed that she would be returning to Korea in a few weeks. Mr. Lee was very supportive since he knew how badly she wanted to see her daughters.
The night before Soon E left, she, Mr. Lee, and a couple of Mr. Lee's male friends went out for dinner. When Mr. Lee left the table to go to the bathroom, his two friends told Soon E that they thought he was making a big mistake to let her go. "Once you see your daughters, you'll never come back." Soon E urged them not to say that to Mr. Lee.
And they were right. It would be 2002 before Soon E returned to Korea and by then she would no longer be Mr. Lee's wife. The chance to live near her daughters as they grew up was not something that Soon E could turn down. If it came to a choice between a man, any man, and her daughters, her daughters would be chosen. And that is true 19 years later and will be true for as long as she lives. |
