Sunday morning

Sunday, December 16, 1990

Donna and I had both gotten the impression that the girls' mother (Soon E) was probably Catholic. I think we had concluded that from the fact that she attended the service at Father Ben's orphanage in Korea the Sunday we brought the girls there to say goodbye to Father Ben and their friends at the orphanage.

In the six days since Soon E had arrived religion had not been mentioned. I knew that a lot of Koreans were Christians but also a lot were Buddhists. I would learn later that all of Soon E's family except her were Buddhists. But, surprisingly, she turned out to be neither Buddhist nor Catholic but protestant.

This morning, when I got up Soon E had turned on the TV and was watching "The Crystal Cathedral" with Rev. Dr. Robert Schuller. I knew Dr. Schuller to be a latter-day Norman Vincent Peale; spreading the message of the power of positive thinking. I had watched his weekly service a number of times and was somewhat attracted to the upbeat music and message.

Soon E seemed to enjoy the program as Dr. Schuller interviewed a Chinese woman who had overcome polio to become a surgeon. But toward the end of the service, Dr. Schuller asked for financial support. Soon E suddenly became very animated and said "No". She went on to say that ministers and priests want to get money in order to buy planes, cars, and big houses. When I mentioned that I gave money to the Andover Korean Church, she said that I should be putting it in the bank.

Tonight, Soon E told Myong that she went to a protestant church for three years after Hak-kun died but could never be sure that God existed. She had been raised a Buddhist but in 1980, after she, Hak-kun, and Kyung-In (Melissa) moved to a one-room apartment, Soon E met a group of women who attended a nearby Methodist church. For three years, she went with them. Sometimes Kyung-In (Melissa) would go with her but Hakkun never did though he spent his teenage years in the protestant-oriented Pearl Buck Orphanage.

Hyun-Mee (Mimi) and Seung-Hee (Ashley) were born during this time. After Hakkun's accident, while he lay unconscious in the hospital, Soon E would sometimes go to a church near the hospital and prayed that at least he would live and regain consciousness. She pleaded to God through her tears, "Handicap is OK. He can watch the girls while I work. Just give him life". She knew that without him she could never both work and take care of three children.

Since she has been in the United States, she has attended church frequently; even singing in the choir for a time and becoming a member. And each time she goes or we go together, she always gives an offering.

At one point, she attended a Bible study group at a Korean Church in nearby Salem, NH. The classes dealt with a survey of the Bible. One night the study was about Noah and his family. Soon E's mind was wandering a bit when, to her surprise, the minister who was teaching the course asked her who went into the ark. Struggling for an answer, she blurted out, "Noah and his father." Everyone laughed.

Soon E's faith is simple and straightforward. If something good happens it's because of God. If something bad happens it's probably because God was unhappy with us. Sometimes when I complain that the weather reporter was sure it was going to snow but it didn't, Soon E will say, "Only God knows what the weather will be."

Soon E's mother is a Buddhist. Once when she was younger, she went with a friend to a Christian service. The Buddhist priest learned of this indiscretion and pulled her hair; admonishing her never to do it again. When Soon E's mother came here for an extended visit, Soon E took her to church a couple of times but she was not comfortable going.

Soon E sees no incompatibility between being a Christian and observing family rituals that arise from Buddhism such as memorial services for deceased family members. Those services usually involving making food for the deceased and bowing to them. Click here for Your Dream Is Alive.

Donna and I joined the Andover Korean Church in 1986 before we adopted the girls. I had hoped this would give me the opportunity to learn about Korean culture and learn to speak the language. But before I knew it, I had been drafted to teach an English as a Second Language course at the church on Saturdays. I have yet to meet a single Korean person, including Soon E, who had the slightest interest in helping me learn Korean. Koreans, being very practical, view it as a waste of my time.

For first-generation Korean-Americans the church is more than a place of worship. It is really a home away from home, that is, a little bit of Korea in America. Its a place they don't have to explain their food preferences and don't have to struggle to express themselves or understand what others are saying. At almost every Korean church there is at least an hour or more of socializing after the service that frequently includes a Korean meal.

The Americans who attend Korean churches, at least in our area tend to be American men, who have married Korean women. And most of the men are former American service men who served and met their wives in Korea. They tend to congregate together after the service. When eating they are often surrounded by Korean-speaking people. Sometimes they ask what is being said but their Korean wives find it stressful to try to translate and still enjoy the spontaneous conversation going on in Korean.

In January of 2008, i began to feel guilty that I had stopped going to church with Soon E. Neither of us had been for a couple of years but Soon E had recently started attending the Andover Korean Church. I felt sorry for her having to go alone so I started going with her. Click here for One church; two cultures.

In September of 2008 when I missed church one Sunday and Soon E went alone, she told me afterwards that it felt so good not having to take care of me at church. I realized that my constant badgering for translation while we were there kept her from being able to enjoy herself. So I got the best of both worlds. I could sleep late on Sunday and know that Soon E was having a great time at church.

Over the years I have learned why first-generation Korean-Americans can't just go to American churches or conduct their services in English. It's nearly impossible for one to follow the complexity of a sermon in a language other than your native language. I have studied Korean since 1986 and I still have no idea of what a Korean pastor is saying in a sermon. And while many first-generation Korean-Americans have developed the ability to converse in English, a long formal presentation in English is very difficult to follow and trying to do so becomes hard labor instead of inspiration.